Choice
by Miss Chang Po
Summary: VxM oneshot - An AU look into how Vash and Meryl SHOULD HAVE parted ways. rxr onegaishmasu!


04/13/04  
  
Konnichi-wa, minna-san! ::blinks as everyone in the audience groans:: Yeah, yeah, I know... it's another one-shot! But I can't help it, they're fun! Rest assured, Nataku-chan and I are in the midst of typing up the next chapter of "Don't You Dare!", and while I have yet to work on "Heart of Space, Dove of Peace", I haven't forgotten about it.  
  
But anyways, I thought I'd try my hand at an AU Trigun ficlet. I suppose you could say it takes place between "Live Through" and "Under the Sky so Blue" (I hope I got the eps right, otherwise I'd be so embarrassed... but ah well). Anyways, I hope you enjoy.  
  
Choice  
  
Had anyone been watching, they'd have said he was a man preparing for battle. Alone in the solitude of his room, he'd showered and changed. He'd also shaved for the first time in days; the worn, haggard expression he'd sported replaced with a sharp, steely glint of a man with a purpose. His hair was cut and trimmed, gelled up in its unique, broom-straight style. Rising from his seat, he'd fastened on his boots and strapped on his gun belt. Donning his orange-tinted sunglasses and geranium red coat, he strode towards the door grabbing his bag along the way. Slinging it across his shoulder, he prepared to trudge outwards into the unrelenting desert.  
  
He certainly hadn't expected the obstacle that barred his way to the door. However, if his face showed any reaction, his glasses obscured it.  
  
Two derringers were held out in front of him. "Don't move."  
  
"What are you doing?" he asked calmly. The lone gunman façade was now firmly in place.  
  
The twin guns remained firmly in place. A pair of eyes stared back at him – never wavering under his intense gaze. In fact, if anyone was nervous, it was he – though he dare admit it.  
  
"I'm not letting it end like this."  
  
He shook his head slowly, schooling his tone to remain low and firm. "You don't have a say in the matter."  
  
Sunlight glinted off the two derringers, lighting her eyes. "Don't I?"  
  
He'd never heard her speak so coldly. He shuddered inwardly. "You don't want to shoot me."  
  
"You don't know that." Her eyes took on a harsh glint. "Don't presume you know anything about me." Well, that one had hurt. Despite that, he took a short step forward. "Insurance Gir—"  
  
She flicked the safety off of the derringer on her right with practiced ease. It resonated through the room with a loud 'click'. "Don't. Move."  
  
He obeyed; he really didn't have much a choice did he? After all, even though it was just a derringer, it'd be hard to avoid at point-black range. It bothered him a bit to realize she knew this as well.  
  
With a sigh, he raised his hands up in surrender. If the calmness of the Lone Gunman didn't work, maybe playing the Fool would. It had always spared him from the wrath of others before.  
  
"C'mon now," he pleaded, lifting his sunglasses away from his eyes. "You really don't wanna shot me now, do you—?" He paused as something flickered briefly in her eyes. While he'd always been able to read her emotions like a book before – fear, fatigue, and anger – this emotion that had eluded him so swiftly was indecipherable. He frowned with the knowledge that he didn't know what she was thinking or feeling at this moment at all.  
  
She watched the gears turn in his head with a detached interest. As sure as she knew her own name, she was positive he was trying to figure out a way to get past her without hurting her. After all, that was what he did; save the day without causing injury to others – even if that meant getting hurt himself.  
  
She hated him for that.  
  
"I'm not going to let you do this," she replied in a low tone, her unwavering gaze making him uneasy. He couldn't read her and while that was good, deep down she was hurt by that. "You go out into that desert now and he'll kill you. I know he will."  
  
With understanding came something else in Vash's head. Something in him shifted; he wasn't sure if something had fallen or slipped back into place, but it felt as if this was how it was supposed to be. Looking back up at the young woman before him, Vash felt as though he were seeing her for the first time.  
  
He knew now the reasons for her actions – both past and present – towards him. And even though he understood it, it hurt in a way he wasn't quite familiar with. He wanted her to put the derringers down, but for reasons other than the obvious. Something had to be down, but what? Should he risk another step closer...?  
  
The safety on the left clicked backwards. Her expression was angry once again. "I said – don't move!"  
  
"Why are you doing this?"  
  
"Because you're the Stampede!" He froze. "Trouble follows you wherever you go. Even though you never cause the trouble you always get hurt!"  
  
He could hear the hurt in her tone underneath the anger. She'd never been good at masking her true emotions – no matter what she thought. He could read her now as clearly as ever. 'M – Insurance Girl...' No, it wouldn't do to even think her name. Now was not the time to start revealing personal truths. He moved to place his glasses back on his face only to have them shot out of his hand. They fell to the ground with a loud clatter.  
  
"That... man..." He didn't look up at her. Without facing her he knew she had wanted to say 'monster', but held back for his benefit. "Is not like the others."  
  
No kidding... "I know that." Even so, he couldn't hold the bitterness out of his tone and he knew she noticed. "That's why I have to face him."  
  
"You'll die."  
  
Though her voice seemed hollow, he could still detect the fear there – fear for him. 'If only...' Still turned away from her, his expression softened sadly. "If that's my fate, then I accept it." He clenched his hands at his side. "As a man it's my choice to make."  
  
He blinked as her empty derringer dropped to the ground. His eyes followed it as it clattered along the floor's wooden panels, coming to rest next to his glasses. He turned back up to face her only to find the barrel of the other derringer instead.  
  
"Your choice as a man?" she repeated. "Then it's my duty, Vash the Stampede, as a woman to give you a choice."  
  
His eyes widened a fraction, though they did not stray from her derringer. "A choice?"  
  
"You men are all the same. If you want to die so badly, you can either die out there in the desert alone... or now, by my hand."  
  
He blinked in surprise. "What?"  
  
She didn't miss a beat. "I would rather I be the one to end your life, than to stand by while some- some murderer out there tortures you to death and leaves you out there to waste a way in the sand like some animal!"  
  
His face was blank as he processed this before taking on a gentle look. "I can't accept that." He replied softly. "I couldn't die knowing you carried that kind of guilt on your soul. I won't do that to you."  
  
She closed her eyes, though not before he glimpsed the raw pain held therein. He took a sharp breath. "I already carry it!" she exclaimed. "You've already been through so much since we've met you... experienced so much... felt so much pain! We were supposed to stop that – to prevent that from happening... and yet... we made it worse... so much worse..."  
  
He could tell her mind was drifting back to the events in LR Town. He had been forced to make a choice, but then so had they – long before Legato tipped his hand. Even after he had recovered from his own injuries, he would still lie awake at night, listening to their cries.  
  
"Don't you... don't you think we carry it, too? Don't you think it weighs on our souls – on mine as well?!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
She paused, blinking at him. "What?"  
  
"Why?" His face was unbelievably calm and gentle, despite the gun being held in his face.  
  
"I don't know why," Her voice had decreased in volume, but still held that same anger and hurt. Hurt caused by him. "If I knew the answer to that..."  
  
Slowly and cautiously, Vash placed a hand on top of her derringer. She let out a gasp of surprise, but didn't pull away – even as he clicked the safety back into place. He stepped a bit closer to her, narrowing the distance between them down to a few feet.  
  
"You don't really want to shoot me," he replied softly. "Do you?"  
  
Her face remained even, although he could hear her pulse racing. "No."  
  
"Then understand that I have to do this." He began moving away. "Please..."  
  
"No." To his surprise, she had grasped onto his arm with her free hand. And for a few moments, that was how they stood – him with a hand on her gun, and her with a grip on his arm. She looked into his eyes, her gaze never wavering. "I told you, I'm not letting it end like this."  
  
"I thought you said –"  
  
She would have laughed had their situation been different. "Idiot. Just because I threatened to shoot you, doesn't mean I want you to die!"  
  
He groaned impatiently. Damned temperamental woman; couldn't she get it through her head that this was something he had to do. It wasn't like he wanted to die—  
  
"Then choose to live!"  
  
Again, Vash blinked. He hadn't realized he'd been talking out loud. He looked down at the woman before him. "What?"  
  
"Choose to live," she replied, her anger replaced by another emotion he had never seen on her before. "I want you to live, Vash-san."  
  
That feeling of 'rightness' he had felt before came back stronger than ever and he found more than ever that he wanted to do as she asked. "That's all?"  
  
She blinked for a moment, blushing prettily. Vash wished she would do it more often – wished she could make her do it more often. "Yes, Vash-san." She replied quietly. "That's all I want."  
  
He knew that wasn't entirely true, but he knew now was not the time to pressure her about it. After all, she still had a partial hold on her gun... He gave her a small smirk. "Then stop calling me Vash-san, then," She blinked at him as he gave her a goofy grin. "It makes me sound old."  
  
She gave him a bland look, muttering 'idiot' under her breath. "I'll stop on one condition."  
  
"Only one?"  
  
"Yes, only one!" He cringed under her intense glare. Temperamental woman... "You've got to stop calling me 'Insurance Girl'." It was his turn to blink. "For one, I'm not a girl."  
  
'Damn straight...' He cringed for reminding himself of that.  
  
"And," her voice turned soft. "You'd think you've known me long enough to call me by my given name..."  
  
Had he not been in such close proximity he probably would not have heard the end of her request. But he smiled, nodding his head resolutely. "I'm sure I can manage that... Meryl."  
  
They both froze, coming aware of everything. Their nearness, the position they were in, their topic of conversation; everything became so real – to Vash especially. This was it – this was probably the last time they would see each other...  
  
He closed his eyes, looking away from her. He didn't want things to end like this either.  
  
"Vash-sa... Vash?" He turned to face her as she lowered her gun. His hand followed it down until they parted, leaving his to fall limply at his side.  
  
"I'll come back... Meryl." He replied, knowing that wasn't what she was going to say, but reveling in the fact that she seemed pleased by his words.  
  
She nodded, stepping out of the way as he strode out onto the front porch. She opened her mouth to speak again, but was cut off as Millie came up the walk with the Cross Punisher in tow. They exchanged a few words before the time came when he had to go.  
  
She and he locked gazes with each other, saying much more than they possibly ever could with words. And as he drifted off into the desert, Meryl noted with some frustration that tears were beginning to form in her eyes, preventing him from seeing him clearly.  
  
Millie, ever the sympathetic one, was by her side in an instant. "Don't worry, Sempai," she reassured. "I'm sure Vash-san will come back."  
  
She nodded. Of course he would; he had promised he would. Meryl Strife was not the type of woman to let someone go back on his or her word. Rest assured, Vash would come back. Or else he and her trusty Derringers would be meeting once again.  
  
She turned to her friend and co-worker, a confident smirk on her face. "Of course he's going to come back." She replied, fingering the leftover derringer in her pocket. "He wouldn't dare keep a woman like me waiting."  
  
~End  
  
Author's Notes – Well, you likey? No likey? Honestly, I started this thing and then realized I had no idea as to how I wanted to end it. Originally, I had wanted it to be more angst-y, but I dunno... I guess the fluff just won out in the end.  
  
Nataku-chan - ::pops up in a fluffy pink Darth Vader-looking helmet on:: The Fluff is strong in this one...  
  
@_@;; Erm... that is just.... So wrong...  
  
Nataku-chan - ::points her fingers out, doing that weird Jedi hand-gesture thingy:: You will read... write... and review... Or else be crushed by the Fluffed side of the Force! Dun dun dun...! 


End file.
